tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60807690941584721622024-02-20T20:45:08.150-05:00abbyownerDiannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-7114417179976971962009-12-24T10:39:00.001-05:002009-12-24T10:41:13.917-05:00Merry Christmas!We have shoveled out of 18 inches of snow and very cold temps which keep snow and ice on the roads. I have added the widget to link to Facebook, which I am using faithfully as I actually have access at work.<br /><br />I wish everyone a great new beginning for 2010. Most of all please work for peace.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-24951240425148951462009-09-04T15:06:00.000-04:002009-09-04T15:06:40.724-04:00BAD RAP Blog: Your dog's face in our calendar<a href="http://badrap-blog.blogspot.com/2009/09/your-dogs-face-in-our-calendar.html">BAD RAP Blog: Your dog's face in our calendar</a>Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-46496900131235731572009-08-04T18:32:00.000-04:002009-08-04T18:42:03.104-04:00Coping with Job LossCoping with Job Loss<br />Or: how I survived being laid off with one day’s notice<br />Dianne Rhodes, Freddie Mac, McLean, VA<br /><br />Abstract<br />Over the course of your career, the likelihood that you will lose your job due to unforeseen circumstances increases as you age. It may be a forced retirement, a layoff, being downsized or fired; odds are it will happen to you. This paper presents some coping strategies garnered from my experience with being laid off with one day’s notice in January of 2008.<br />Introduction<br />About eighteen months earlier (summer of 2006), this government contractor was desperate for SAS professionals. They offered a $5,000 bonus to any employee who referred such a professional who was hired by the contractor. That was me. The contract was up for re-compete about a year later, and we survived. We won the re-compete. In January of 2008, we were told that the agency’s budget was being cut by $1.2 million. I was assured there were two senior SAS positions for which I was qualified. I interviewed for one of them; in fact the client asked for me by name. On January 30, 2008 I received written notification that my job had been eliminated and that January 31st would be my last day as an employee.<br />Cope, commiserate, grieve<br />Ten easy steps for coping<br />I found an article titled “The Top 10 Commandments for Coping with Job loss.” (Beers) But folks, it’s just not that easy. I thought this would be easy. It wasn’t. And each person will have different areas with which they struggle.<br />Prepare<br />Did you see this coming? If not, why not?<br />If you do have some advance warning, begin formulating your strategy. Do you have sufficient savings?<br />Grieving process<br />Any loss can follow the four stages of grief first described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in the context of a person facing their own death. These descriptions apply to all types of grief and loss, including the loss of a relationship, a goal, a job, a home. The stages are:<br />· Anger<br />· Denial<br />· Bargaining<br />· Acceptance<br />They are called “stages” but they are not necessarily sequential or progressive. You may experience them all on the same day, never al all, or go beyond them. They give us a vocabulary for dealing with grief and loss. Don’t dwell in any one stage; it’s unhealthy<br />Share with family, friends, network<br />Acknowledge your loss to your family. Your family needs to be involved in your plans for the future. You might need to make budget cuts to make ends meet. This is also the time you should consider if you need a home equity loan. If you wait until you know you need it, it may be too late. Writing this in October 2008 during the financial meltdown, if you are reading this now, it is probably too late.<br /><br />Don’t disturb your 401(k) plan. You can take a loan against your IRA if you have one and you need to borrow money.<br />Let your friends know. They can be a great asset to you: providing coping strategies, making network contacts, and just occasionally having lunch or grabbing a movie.<br />Know your rights and company policy<br />Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) 101<br />The EEOC defines groups protected from employment discrimination by law. These groups include discrimination based on sex (men or women); race, religion, color or national origin; people over 40; people with physical or mental handicaps. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 covers the first two, the Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967 covers age. The Americans with Disabilities Act and Rehabilitation Act of 1973 protects against handicap discrimination, and was further strengthened in September of 2008.<br />If you feel you have been discriminated against, you should contact an attorney who specializes in employment law. You should do so before you sign any legal documents required under the terms of your severance agreement. Most attorneys in this field will offer a free consultation, and may arrange for payment on a contingent fee basis (based on settlement awarded). But ask yourself, what will you gain by the legal process? Do you want your old job back? You might win back pay – but that is income you will have to pay taxes on as well as your attorney’s fees. Is it worth the price you’d have to pay in mental anguish and stress?<br /><br />On a side note: what if you’re fired? Do you know your rights?<br />Financial planning<br />Protect yourself<br />COBRA<br />This legislation allows you to continue your existing health insurance coverage, usually for up to 18 months. You will pay the full premium, which by law can only by 102 percent of the premium your employer paid (mine was about $330 a month). It is important to keep your coverage, since you don’t know how long you’ll be unemployed. If were undergoing treatment, as I was, when you were laid off, you need to continue your treatment and may have difficulty getting coverage for a pre-existing condition. If your employer decides to drop health insurance for their employees, they can drop yours, too.<br />Unemployment insurance<br />Sign up for Unemployment Benefits as soon as you know you are going to be unemployed. This is not a hand out; you or your employer have been paying insurance premiums to cover you in these circumstances. You will have a two-week waiting period before it starts, so sign up early. You won’t be covered in the week you receive severance pay, and the UI office may need to talk with your employer regarding your severance package.<br />Severance and benefits package<br />Your company probably has a standard policy for determining severance pay. Know what it is and be sure you get all to which you are entitled. These are usually based on length of service, as well as length of notification time. I actually benefited from only receiving one day’s notice.<br />References<br />Secure them now; they may not come through later (see more in what to expect, below)<br />Stigma of being laid of<br />Most potential employers will be suspicious. Be honest but don’t trash your former employer. The longer you are out of work, the worse it looks. This is another incentive for planning alternative activities.<br /><br />Re-evaluate and reassess your career<br />· Take a breather. In my case, I was going through a treatment protocol. This was a good excuse for me to take it easy.<br />· What is your ideal job. Did you really like your job?<br />· What work do you love / hate? Take some time to really look at what you’ve been doing and what your strengths are.<br />· Family cooperation and inspiration. Talk to your family and friends about what you are going through and how they can help.<br />Regroup<br />My job was my identity – my social networks revolved around SAS; my then-boy friend was a SAS professional. It was devastating when it all fell through. Add to that being treated for a serious disease. You may need to rebuild your reputation, if only for yourself. Work on your resume, polish it and fine-tune it. Don’t exaggerate but don’t sell yourself short, either. You may want to keep a journal, or an on-line blog. I had started an on-line blog in 2007, which I update sporadically.<br />Vision board<br />You may have seen this on the Oprah Winfrey show. (Yes, I watched some afternoons). The idea is that good things will come your way if you make your desires known. Besides which, it is a fun and creative exercise.<br />One of the best-known examples is Jim Carrey’s check for $10 million for “acting services rendered” which he wrote to himself while still a struggling stand-up comic. He carried it in his wallet for many years. He was finally able to “cash” it in 1995, when his contract price reached $20 million.<br /><br />A vision board is a simple yet powerful visualization tool that activates the universal <a href="http://www.selfgrowth.com/law_of_attraction.html">law of attraction</a> to begin manifesting your dreams into reality. The concept of the vision board (also known as a goal board, goal map, or treasure map) has been around for generations, but it’s gained a renewed interest and popularity after success expert John Assaraf related his story of using vision boards to achieve his dreams in the best-selling DVD documentary The Secret.[1]<br /><br /><a href="http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/How_to_Use_a_Vision_Board_to_Activate_the_Law_of_Attraction.html">http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/How_to_Use_a_Vision_Board_to_Activate_the_Law_of_Attraction.html</a><br />Alternatives<br />Staying Sane<br />Structure your time<br />Set your alarm clock and get up every morning and do your “work.” While you aren’t working, find something you consider valuable to occupy your time. I had been doing breed rescue (for Bengal cats) for a couple of years, and had been wanting to be a volunteer at our local Washington Animal Rescue League (WARL). I applied on line February 1st and was almost immediately contacted by the volunteer manager. <br />By the second week of February, I had completed training to be a dog walker and a cat socializer. I soon was qualified to be a “senior” volunteer, which meant I could work with dogs before they were available to the public. I became a “regular” and got to know some really great people, and one very special pit bull, Chardonnay. I learned that I really like pit bulls, and beagles are fun, too.<br />Volunteer<br />I worked two days a week at the state of the art no-kill animal shelter in DC, the Washington Animal Rescue League <a href="http://www.warl.org/">www.warl.org</a> Other suggestions for volunteer work are with community theatre. Some volunteered talents in costuming; others volunteered computer skills and accounting skills. I considered advertising on Craig’s List as a SAS tutor at a reduced rate. I thought it might be fun. Because I was collecting unemployment, I felt no need to earn money in nickel and dime jobs, but you might not be so fortunate. Remember that volunteer work can turn into paid work; although not exactly lucrative, it may be quite rewarding in other ways.<br />Now might be a good time to experiment<br />“Are you squeamish?”<br />I volunteered to help with a feral cat neuter / spay clinic at WARL. I had no vet tech experience, but that’s one of the reasons I was volunteering. It’s been a second career idea in the back of my mind for a while. When Dr. Rosen asked me “Are you squeamish?” I had to answer truthfully. I didn’t know. I’ve only seen surgery on TV. Her attitude was: then let’s go for it. She walked me through sterile procedure while she amputated a cat’s tail. And guess what? I’m not squeamish. Are you? How will you ever find out except to try it?<br />Networking<br />· SAS User Groups<br />You might not be able to afford to attend out-of-town conference. I skipped SGF 2008, but primarily because it was in San Antonio and I didn’t feel up to dealing with the heat and sun. I faithfully attended the local DC SAS Users Group, but passed on NESUG and SESUG. My colleagues at DCSUG offered some leads and encouragement.<br />· SAS-L<br />I regularly checked in on SAS-L. A then-underemployed Paul Dorfman once referred to SAS-L as “yoga class.” It’s a good place to go to stretch and get a good mental workout.<br />· Church<br />I regularly attend the Unitarian Universalist church I grew up in. I tried to do some extra activities. Our congregational minister’s wife started Circle suppers. These small groups met in people’s homes for a potluck dinner once a month. I joined up, and was able to commiserate with a whole new set of folks!<br />social networking<br /><br />Social networking is becoming increasingly important. Social networks can be found on many levels from individuals, to clans, to nations. They perform a crucial role in solving problems, running organizations, and achieving goals. Early email type applications such as Usenet and electronic bulletin boards were pushed aside by the Internet in the mid ‘90’s. Some early sites, like Six Degrees, were shut down and Friendster took on the lead. Millions of people joined, and it became bogged down with slow server traffic. This resulted in a mass exodus. Many moved to MySpace, which launched in 2003. Bands and teens propelled MySpace traffic, eventually hitting 115 million users worldwide. Bad publicity and the sale to News Corp. in 2005 contributed to users leaving, and in 2006 with Facebook opening their site to the public, another mass migration occurred. Business networking sites are smaller, more focused networks. The first was Ryze; the most popular now is LinkedIn.<br /><br />I have had a LinkedIn account for a long time. I have recently gotten connection requests from SAS professionals who are friends. Researching for this paper, I discovered many SAS noteables who appear to be actively using LinkedIn.<br />I have also had a Facebook account for years, but have only begun to use it recently because many of my family members have joined. Before the 2009 SGF, someone started a Facebook group and it attracted a small group of old and new users, as well as some SAS employees. More and more folks are gravitating to Facebook, and you might be surprised whom you can find there.<br /><br />I would be very cautious about putting too much personal or revealing information on any web site. My philosophy is if you would be upset to see it on a bulletin board at work, or tacked up to the fridge at home, it doesn’t belong on the ‘net. Also note that these sites will come up on a Google search of your name, which many prospective employers are using these days.<br />Staying connected<br />Many sources suggest printing up your own business cards. Be sure to have a professional sounding personal email (I replaced abbyowner with diannerhodes) and functioning Internet connection. If you don’t have strong virus protection, now is the time to get it before you have to pay $400 to get your machine cleaned up (voice of experience).<br />Job Search<br />allocating your time<br />How much time should you spend a day? A week? Some resources I looked up recommended 40 hours a week (Beers). In my mind, that was obsessive. I did not want to spend all of my time looking for a job. Combined with internet searching, I found about 24 hours a week was plenty of time. I used Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday for job hunting. Wednesday and Friday I devoted to volunteer work. I allowed all day Monday for returning emails and answering phone calls.<br />On-Line Resources<br />· Career builder<br />· DICE Monster and E-lance<br />· Craig’s List. A lot of non-profits are looking for SAS professionals using the free resources of Craig’s List.<br />· WashingtonPost.com<br />· USAjobs.gov<br />· Sign up for job alerts. Update your resume often so it stays at the top of the most recent additions.<br />Dealing With Recruiters<br />· DICE and Monster<br />If you post your resume on DICE and Monster, you will get calls from professional recruiters. These are jobs not posted publicly and are good positions, with good companies like GEICO, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, subcontractor to contractor like SAIC, Northrup Grumman, Kforce. Recruiters got me in the door for interviews, But I was not the best fit to the job. This happens in part because the recruiters don’t really understand the client’s needs. For example, one client was looking specifically for a person with hardware performance tuning skills. However, the interview was great practice for me and helped restore my confidence and ego.<br /><br />Watch out when you answer the phone, and they say they have an ESS AYE ESS position. Remember Andrew Karp’s SAS MARCO story.<br />Corporate Web Sites<br />I got some tips for places where I might find a job with my health policy background, eg Thomson –Reuters. I edited my resume for this site specifically, and set up email alerts.<br />Stretching your family budget<br />Saving Money<br />When I first started writing this paper, the recession had just started. Now, we are all looking for ways to save money. Here are some things that worked for me. Limit shopping trips or combine trips. With gas at $4.00 a gallon, this helped me limit the use of my car and limit fill-ups. One fill-up cost me over $50!<br /><br />Take advantage of early bird specials – many restaurants have them to appeal to seniors. In the DC area, Clyde’s has great discounts.<br /><br />You may find $5 specials – like Subway and Quizno’s. Quizno’s recently introduced their Torpedoes at $4 and Sammies at $2 each.<br />Abuse Your Friends<br />When you are not working, it is not a faux pas to let people pay for you. You’ll have plenty of time to make it up to them when you get back on your feet.<br />Be a home body<br />I splurged on a new cookbook by Nigella Lawson – Nigella Express as I knew I would be eating in and cooking for myself / family.<br />Downtime<br />Use for projects<br />Work related<br />· Certification<br />· Course work<br />· Did I do this? Heck, no!<br />Hobbies<br />· Scrapbooks<br />· Mending<br />· Did I do this? Heck, no! My embroidered jeans still need to be hemmed.<br />Letting go of your “work”<br />Do not spend all of your time reading SAS-L or working in SAS Learning Edition.<br />Prepare for the Worst<br />There is no way to predict how long you will need to find another job. Conventional wisdom is that you should have three months take home pay in savings. I was out of work for seven months. I actually had close to a year’s take home pay in savings.<br />the facts<br />Your savings<br />I spent approximately $10K out of savings while receiving unemployment (which came to a total of around $9K).<br />Unemployment benefit<br />I qualified for the maximum benefit, in the District of Columbia, which after taxes came to $307 a week. This just barely covered my mortgage and condo fees. I was out of work for seven months. My unemployment benefits ran out after six months, and then were re-instated due to new legislature extending benefits.<br /><br />Revise Your Strategy<br />There is no point in doing the same thing over and over again if you are not getting the results you want. If you aren’t getting interviews, revise your resume. Use buzz words that will be easily found by a recruiter searching a database of resumes. Some examples are Macro, ETL, Business Intelligence, Data warehousing. You’ve done these things, you just didn’t call them that. If you aren’t getting offers, change your strategy. I was getting 3-4 interviews a month, but no job offers. I switched to focusing on finding a position I really wanted. I was interviewing for jobs I knew I didn’t really want and was not enthusiastic about.<br />Practice answering interview questions. Think about the job you want and how you can convince the interviewer you are the right person for the job.<br /><br />Take Care of Yourself<br />· Treat yourself :<br />· Get a haircut<br />· Buy a new suit<br />· Go to the gym<br />· Adopt a pet<br />· Tutor a student<br />· Indulge in Chocolate<br />Don’t ever<br />· Feel like you’ve failed<br />· Hide the fact that you’ve been laid off<br />· Trash your former employer. As a SAS professional, you are navigating a very small circle of contacts, bridges, and paths. You never know when you will need to retreat across ground you have previously covered.<br />· Ask for less money than you are worth. In my experience, this did not lead to any job offers, but rather I was labeled as over-qualified. One recruiter told me point blank: “You’ll get the work done too quickly and get bored and want to leave.”<br />· Let money be the deciding factor. Find a job you want, the money will follow.<br />· Go back to school<br />· Spend money on books or seminars on how to find a job<br />There’s plenty of free advice on-line. In the time since I began writing this article, the Washington Post has had nearly weekly articles on Job Loss.<br />· <br />· <br />· <br />· <br />· Turn down ANY interview. Remember the path to Carnegie Hall: Practice, practice, practice!<br /><br /><br /><br />Do<br />· Acknowledge your friendships<br />· Acknowledge your co-workers<br />· Know the difference<br />Interviewing<br />No matter how well known you are in the SAS community, odds are that none of the hiring managers has heard of you or knows your qualifications. You may be subjected to the SAS Interview quiz. Yes, the same one you helped write for your previous employer. Keep track of phone calls, emails, and specific details before an interview, be it in person or on the telephone. I kept a small notebook with the name of the caller and the organization. However, at one point I was so overwhelmed by the inquiries, I couldn’t remember who was who.<br />Accepting a New Job<br />Lateral move, promotion or demotion<br />Do you care? In both my recent job changes, I made what I thought was a lateral move, then discovered it was not relatively equivalent. Somewhere along the line, I lost “Senior” in my job title. I see that as something I can negotiate in my next performance review. The salary I was offered met my requirements.<br />Negotiating salary and benefits<br />In some ways, I am really glad to have this experience behind me. The economic landscape was bad then, and much worse now. I had a specific salary in mind, and after lowering it and still not getting any offers, I returned to asking for what my salary had been in my previous job. When I was extended a job offer, they met my price plus a bit more.<br />What to Expect<br />Many employers now use a third party for verification of employment and references. This caused some problems for me, as the third party would call and leave a message with an 866 call back number. You should warn / notify your references to return 866 phone calls. Also, drug testing is the norm now. Be sure to drink plenty of water before hand. Don’t worry about “dilution” – the test center told me to drink up to five glasses of water.<br />Going Back to Work<br />Getting back into a rhythm / schedule won’t be too difficult if you have kept up a schedule while you weren’t working. I had a little trouble letting go of my “fun”. Romping with dogs and petting cats is really a lot more fun than programming in SAS. I was terrified that I would not be able to adjust to a working schedule, especially not one with a commute. I worried my cats would have trouble adjusting to my absence. Everything is working out fine. And I still volunteer, mostly on the weekends, at this wonder animal shelter.<br />Conclusion<br />So you’ve lost your job. It’s not the end of the world. You may actually find a new position that suits you better and you like better.<br /><br />ACKNOWLEDGMENTS<br />Thanks to all my friends and colleagues at DC-SUG who gave me leads and advise. Thanks to Andrew Karp for more than one dinner and the offer of airline tickets to SESUG. Special thanks to Gary McQuown and Dawn Li. I was stunned to learn of the loss of my friend from SAS-L and SUGI, David Johnson (1956 – 2008). I think of him often.<br /><br />DISCLAIMER: The contents of this paper are the work of the author(s) and do not necessarily represent the opinions, recommendations, or practices of Freddie Mac.<br />Recommended Reading<br />Beers, Roseanne. The Top 10 Commandments for Coping with Job Loss<br /><a href="http://topten.org/public/AB/AB22.html">http://topten.org/public/AB/AB22.html</a><br />Surviving Being Laid Off<br />http://www.job-hunt.org/layoffs/surviving-a-layoff.shtml<br />Byrne, Rhonda. The Secret. DVD. TS Production, LLC. 2006.<br />Recovering Steadily After a Loss of Work. Vickie Elmer. The Washington Post, October 12, 2008.<br /><br />Contact Information<br />Your comments and questions are valued and encouraged. Contact the author at:<br />Comments, questions, and additions are welcomed.<br />Contact the author at:<br />Dianne Louise Rhodes<br />1260 21st Street, NW<br />Apartment 305<br />Washington, DC 20036<br />(703) 903-2355 (work)<br /><br />Email: diannerhodes@comcast.net<br /><br />SAS and all other SAS Institute Inc. product or service names are registered trademarks or trademarks of SAS Institute Inc. in the USA and other countries. ® indicates USA registration. <br />Other brand and product names are trademarks of their respective companies.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-82567540646835591872009-03-15T18:30:00.007-04:002009-03-15T18:39:26.350-04:00WARL In the news<a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/14/AR2009031401888.html"> No Jobs, No Easy Cure for Pets </a><br /><br />Heartaches at Worst Time Boost Demand for Clinic's Free Care<br /><br />Hard times are proving hard on pets as well as the people who love them. People who say they've never asked for a handout are streaming through the doors of the pet clinic at the Washington Animal Rescue League.<br />The demand for free services has been so great that the clinic will see only the pets of people who have been unemployed for at least three months. And the crush of newly poor comes as donations to the private, nonprofit agency have fallen so sharply that staff hours have been reduced.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-62973228231339056172009-02-11T21:03:00.001-05:002009-02-11T21:04:32.861-05:00WARL Puppy Cam<a href=http://media.myfoxdc.com/puppycam/warl.html>Puppy Cam</a><br /><br />On all the time, but you can only see puppies when the lights are on. Come back often as the puppies change!Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-74263690258270432372009-02-11T21:00:00.000-05:002009-02-11T21:01:03.431-05:00Cancer AnniversaryToday, February 11, 2009 is my one-year anniversary of completing my 33 radiation treatments. I am still experiencing some mostly mild side effects – sensations of warmth and burn where I was treated. I looked back at the release forms I signed at the time. Yowee! I promised not to complain if they damaged my lungs or broke my back. So maybe I shouldn’t complain. You can still see the radiation burns on my upper chest.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-27598553454349557292009-02-11T20:58:00.003-05:002009-02-11T21:06:43.636-05:00Musings on LoveIt’s running up to Valentine’s Day, one of my least favorite holidays. But I have been thinking about love a lot lately. My mom said perhaps I have bad judgment where men are concerned, but I think in fact I have excellent judgment. I am not after all, unhappily married to any of them! And I think for the most part I would be unhappy. With any one of them. Did I waste too much time on Ron? I think not, we had a good run, and a lot of fun. But I realized that I wanted to make room for a bigger love, a more passionate and irrational kind of love, the kind that comes through like gangbusters. A kind of love I have known, and the memory of which makes my heart warm still<br /><br />And didn’t I give him all the ingredients he needed to be a genuine hero – a deadly diagnosis, a scary surgery, and even scarier (in my opinion) follow-up treatment? He could have simply sent flowers the day of my surgery, but instead chose to ignore it completely. I am still disappointed in him.<br /><br /><br />Abigail Trafford wrote yesterday about living longer and falling in love “past your prime.”<br /><br /><a href=”http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/06/AR2009020603082.html”>Loving Longer </a><br /><br />I found this part most interesting:<br />The intensity of a coup is matched by its mystery: Why do you fall in love when you do? <br />For older men and women, the answer is found in the link between love and loss. People tend to fall in love after they experience loss or are separated from the familiar, researchers point out. Teenagers fall in love as they "lose" childhood and separate from their parents. Shipboard romances flourish, as do conference flirtations and travel trysts, because people are away from home: They have "lost" their moorings. Wartime love explodes in the urgent shadow of separation and loss of life. <br />Longevity creates another kind of urgent shadow. This period that promises vitality to many men and women is also a time of loss. Disability and death are constant realities. As you get older, there may be a reduction in hormonal drive but an increase in loss, which set the stage for connecting with others. <br />It feels so spontaneous. <br /><br /><br />I certainly have experienced the ultimate in losses in 2007 and 2008. The tamoxifen that I take brought on menopause, finally, and so far with few side effects. Note that I started this regimen on Valentine’s Day 2008. What a Valentine! Hopefully it will prevent the cancer from reoccurring, though I remain pessimistic. I lost my job, and let lose my love. What was left? A new beginning, I hope. I hope that was my bottom. I surely do not wish to repeat it.<br /><br />And this from the second page:<br /><br />A widow, 84, confided in her daughter: There's a man in her life. A friend from decades ago who is married and living in another city. He visits her and stays in her apartment, where they make love. As she said to her daughter: "I went to the moon and back. I never knew it could be like this before." <br />Her daughter, who is married with two children in high school, stared at her mother. To the moon and back! To experience that for the first time in your 80s! The lovers talk to each other every day. As the daughter quipped to me: "I think they are having phone sex." <br /><br />I have to laugh.<br /><br />You can love in many ways. The imperative of living longer is renewal, and for most people, love is an agent of transformation. You may be in a 30-plus-year marriage, or in a new relationship. You may be smiling at a distant romantic memory or staring into the face of newborn grandchild. Or entering a different phase of love with a grown child. Or rediscovering an old friend. Or going to church. True love is a spreading-out thing. The Valentine crush is just the beginning, an awakening or reawakening of the passionate self -- a reminder of the power of love and triumph of relationships, as time goes by. <br />This article is adapted from "As Time Goes By: Boomerang Marriages, Serial Spouses, Throwback Couples, and Other Romantic Adventures in an Age of Longevity" ( Basic Books, 2009). <br /><br />There was a review of this book a couple of weeks ago. Here.<br /><br /><a href=”http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/03/AR2009020304061.html”>Book Review</a><br /><br />And I do go to church. But I’ll make that a separate entry.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-80728460157382679632009-02-11T20:52:00.003-05:002009-02-11T20:55:27.400-05:00A Delicate BalanceA Delicate Balance – play by Edward Albee.<br /><br />Three tough hours to sit through. What I found most disturbing was the leading man’s admission in the first act, that when his cat stopped being affectionate to him he had her KILLED. And I find it disturbing not because he killed the cat; she was old and probably senile. I find it disturbing because of the metaphor to love relationships. Is that what we do when our mate no longer is affectionate -- kill them? In a way I think it is. And if we don’t literally kill them, we kill off the “them” we know and say we no longer love them.<br /><br />Funny thing happened this morning. Smudge, my younger cat, was not well socialized as a kitten, due to my starting a new job. For a long time, he thought he was the other cat’s cat. A few years ago he had to have oral surgery and spent the day at the vet’s office. On returning home, he purred loudly. I think that was the first time he realized that he was my cat. This morning I was rubbing his head and jowls and he started to purr. I know it’s because he knows he is going to be fed, and eating is his major joy in life. But it amused me, because my old cats and me are still learning to love each other.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-16728413950493291532009-02-11T20:42:00.005-05:002009-02-11T21:12:27.010-05:00Vision BoardI did a Vision Board after I lost my job and had plenty of time to watch Oprah..<br /><a href="http://christinekane.com/blog/how-to-make-a-vision-board">Vision Board </a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.last.fm/music/Fleetwood+Mac/_/Big+Love">Big Love </a><br /><br /><br />I’ve found an (bigger) apartment I really like and can afford. Only problem is that I will have to get organized and clean up my place to sell it. Right now that seems a gargantuan task. I am going to add Jenkins Row to my Vision Board and take a picture of the board and put it here. The apartment is in SE Capitol Hill, it’s one bedroom with den and two baths, so I could use the den as a guest room (thinking visiting kids).<br /><br /><a href="http://www.capitolhillcondo.com/floorplans.html">Jenkins Row</a><br /><br />this is the floor plan I like<br /><br /><a href="http://www.capitolhillcondo.com/FPB01.html">B01 </a>Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-64282344635562899052009-02-11T20:25:00.001-05:002009-02-11T20:37:40.580-05:00Lay-led serviceI participated in a lay-led service in January, on the transcendentalists.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.rruuc.org/spirituality/sermon-library/2009-sermons.html">Lay led service</a><br /><br />You can access the text of the service here. In order to view the video, you must login as a member. You can log in as me, with my old hotmail account, lilredstorm@hotmail.com email me for the password.<br /><br />I sometimes watch the 9:15 service on line before I decide if I want to go to church. Usually the music picks me up and off I go.<br /><br />Be sure to go to the end and read Doris’s poem. Doris is a birder and this service let her express for the first time the spiritual satisfaction she gets from this “competitive sport.”<br /><br />In other news, I see that Buffalo, NY made the Top Ten – of 'America's 10 Most Miserable Cities'<br /><a href="http://www.buffalonews.com/home/story/575098.html?imw=Y">http://www.buffalonews.com/home/story/575098.html?imw=Y</a><br /><br />Yes I am somewhat obsessive compulsive.<br /><br />Full article here:<br /><a href="http://www.forbes.com/2009/02/06/most-miserable-cities-business-washington_0206_miserable_cities.html">Full story </a><br /><a href="http://www.rruuc.org/spirituality/sermon-library/2009-sermons.html"></a>Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-54361392778174880312008-04-15T13:24:00.000-04:002008-04-15T13:27:15.363-04:00personality typeshttp://www.enneagraminstitute.com/TypeFive.asp<br /><a href="http://enneagraminstitute.com/"><img alt="Enneagram" src="http://enneagraminstitute.com/icons/type5F.gif" /></a>free enneagram test<br /><br />I am an enneagram 5 with a four wing.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-1246635914397532932008-03-17T18:21:00.003-04:002008-03-17T18:26:07.641-04:00teeny tiny dog on a teeter totterToday's entry on Crazy Sexy Cancer on balance reminded me of watching little dogs doing dog agility on the teeter totter. The big dogs have it pretty easy, they just have to make sure to touch all the contact points. The little dogs have to know how to wait for the high end of the teeter totter to come down.<br /><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog_agility">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog_agility</a><br /><br /><blockquote>Teeter-totter (or seesaw) A 10 to 12 foot (3 to 4 m) plank pivoting on a support, much like a child's seesaw. It is constructed slightly off-balance so that the same end always returns to the ground. This is done either by placing the support slightly off-center or else weighting one end of the board. This obstacle also has contact zones. However, unlike the other contact obstacles, the teeter-totter does not have slats. The balance point and the weight of the plank must be such that even a tiny dog, such as a Chihuahua, can cause the high end of the teeter-totter to descend to the ground within a reasonable amount of time, specified by the sanctioning organization's rules (usually about 2 seconds). Smaller dogs get more time to run a course, and this is one reason why it can take them longer than it takes larger dogs. </blockquote><br /><br />Right now, as I'm waiting to hear from various job applications, I feel like a teeny tiny dog on a teeter totter, waiting for that high end to lower down to the ground.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-39510616208963692522008-03-10T12:10:00.003-04:002008-03-10T12:14:25.870-04:00Follow up with Dr. BI had my 3 month follow up with Dr. Butler this morning. Their computers were down and there was an agonizing wait. But the news is all good. I am healing nicely -- looks like I might not even have a hideous knife-fight scar! Just one smaller boob than the other. I believe I can get that remedied when I choose to. He scheduled me for a regular mammogram in August, and a six month follow up for September. Now all of this is contingent on my finding a job that has Kaiser as a provider. Keeping fingers crossed. I see Dr Porrazo on Wednesday. And I have a job interview that afternoon! And I am having a hoot on Kris Carr's forum.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-64403797109726088422008-02-21T17:45:00.001-05:002008-02-21T17:46:49.079-05:00Valentine's Day 2008For my valentine, I got my first prescription for Tamoxifene. Through Kaiser I will pay $10 a month for it. I have been taking it for a week now and so far have no noticeable side effects.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-61527122723412291422008-02-21T17:41:00.002-05:002008-12-09T21:09:52.973-05:00Certificate of Merit & Appreciation<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRy7t9sdBeb1Krs8q2B4lDWACUdgrq7lqWcxuh55dfLX3M7lRDKW4r8kdCo81Ytn5ihM7-7uIle_D-bn_HZWbIwOWJa428zBmyIyMXl4Gh987T50TX4IxKFdaM3G6S_h_r0e1grG8XaXUF/s1600-h/certificate+2-17-2008+5-31-34+PM.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169567684343985410" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRy7t9sdBeb1Krs8q2B4lDWACUdgrq7lqWcxuh55dfLX3M7lRDKW4r8kdCo81Ytn5ihM7-7uIle_D-bn_HZWbIwOWJa428zBmyIyMXl4Gh987T50TX4IxKFdaM3G6S_h_r0e1grG8XaXUF/s400/certificate+2-17-2008+5-31-34+PM.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>The text reads" Be it declared that (Dianne) has completed the prescribed course of radiation therapy with the highest degree of courage, determination, and good nature. We appreciate the confidence placed in us and the opportunity to serve you.</div>Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-90216485878038545232008-02-21T17:37:00.003-05:002008-12-09T21:09:53.168-05:00Last radiology treatment February 11, 2008<div>I had my last treatment on Monday February 11th. The last five treatments were to the "scar" area only. Here is what it looked like:</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBTZpvJpti8A3bASp1g0Mee4nmSZALbokW9o_pQXA2OGhtmCA5qRZ8Z-F3AeFVeRfvxG-vcWiYTBdtBslWoWYxH3XsVLZFRgZnJuRGqY4XaXXbt9yBevNoHuh7-bg887vfRDNIT_TD9Omz/s1600-h/scarsharpie+2-11-2008+5-38-12+PM.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169566752336082162" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 245px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 174px" height="239" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBTZpvJpti8A3bASp1g0Mee4nmSZALbokW9o_pQXA2OGhtmCA5qRZ8Z-F3AeFVeRfvxG-vcWiYTBdtBslWoWYxH3XsVLZFRgZnJuRGqY4XaXXbt9yBevNoHuh7-bg887vfRDNIT_TD9Omz/s320/scarsharpie+2-11-2008+5-38-12+PM.JPG" width="250" border="0" /></a>The cloud-like outline in light blue is where the scar is. I now have two tones of radiation - a kind of pinky brown area over the whole breast and a bright pink area where the tumor and margins were removed.</div>Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-35815427476974159952008-02-07T12:52:00.000-05:002008-02-07T13:41:16.014-05:00From Crazy Sexy CancerThis was addressed to me on Kris Carr's website. Any number of folks have expressed these same sentiments:<br /><br /><br />I am a firm believer in affirmations and I know the universe is bringing you something better than you ever dreamed. So don't dread leaving the house -- bound out into your new world and conquer it. I for one cannot wait to see what comes back to you.. the good and many blessings that are waiting. Just value yourself. let the past go and get to dancing. It is a new song and life is good. I will be praying the best job ever comes your way. I am like Kris though miracles are 10 percent faith and 90 percent hard work. So shake it baby. And be joyful. The old is gone and the best is yet to come.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-38706965495264025322008-02-03T16:22:00.000-05:002008-02-03T16:23:35.705-05:00Volunteering at WARLIt’s official – my position has been eliminated and I am now unemployed. Yesterday I sent in my application to become a volunteer at the Washington Animal Rescue League (as well as five resumes to IT type jobs).<br />Today the volunteer manager called to let me know there were some openings for today’s orientation.<br /><br />This is the orientation video. If you are interested in the next generation of shelters, this is it.<br /><br /><a title="blocked::http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZFuBQ99MLE">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZFuBQ99MLE</a><br /><br />They also work with other shelters in a 13 state area, taking in animals that may need more TLC or medical care than they can get where they are.<br />They took in over 100 dogs from the puppy mill seizure last year, and they have all found homes. They currently have puppies of the dogs from the puppy mill. I noticed a lot of them all ready have adoptions pending. In the cat area, I didn’t see anything that looked like a Bengal, but I did see a gorgeous silvery tabby cat. I noted that a lot of the cat condos were empty and I asked and they are empty because they are empty!<br /><br />While you are on Youtube, you will see a series of videos on WARL’s trips to help post Katrina. The Executive Director Scotlund Haisley has now been hired by HSUS to be their head of disaster<br />Recovery. As I suspected, administratively things are a mess there so I will probably be helping in the office of the volunteer manager and others.<br /><br />But isn’t this better than going in every morning and being zapped to kill my breast cancer? I have six treatments left!<br /><br />Love to all, DianneDiannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-79353029862870039072008-01-29T15:35:00.000-05:002008-01-29T15:42:30.280-05:009 to go; 5 boosters to the scar areaToday was treatment #24. I have four left to the full breast, and then 5 "boosters" to the scar area only. I googled to try to find out more about this last detail and this was the only relevant article:<br /><br /><strong>Clips and scar as the guidelines for breast radiation boost after lumpectomy</strong><br />F. Kovnera, f1, R. Agaya, O. Merimskya, J. Stadlerb, J. Klausnerc and M. Inbara a Tel-Aviv Sourasky Medical Center and Sackler Faculty of Medicine, Tel-Aviv University, Israelb Department of Surgery “A” Tel-Aviv University, Israelc Department of Surgery “B” Tel-Aviv University, Israel Accepted 12 April 1999. Available online 12 May 2002.<br /><br /><strong>Abstract Background and Aims</strong>: Breast-conserving therapy in early breast cancer is equally effective as mastectomy, with advantages of cosmesis and quality of life over mastectomy. Local control is improved when entire breast irradiation is combined with a radiation boost to the tumour bed.<br /><br /><strong>Methods</strong>: Localization of the tumour bed was compared in 45 consecutive patients using surgical scar and radiopaque clips placed intra-operatively in the lumpectomy cavity.Results : The area (A) of the radiation boost field and volume (V) of the tumour bed, designed on the basis of scar (AS and VS), were 1.4 times larger than those designed on the basis of the clips (AC and VC). AS and VS missed about one-quarter of the tumour bed which had been delineated by clips intra-operatively, while about one-half of it encompassed tissues beyond the AC and VC.<br /><br /><strong>Conclusions</strong>: A boost planned by scar dimensions can miss a substantial portion of the tumour bed, compromising local control. On the other hand, a substantial amount of breast tissue beyond the tumour bed can be unnecessarily irradiated, compromising cosmetic treatment results. Thus, the scar provides an inadequate landmark for radiation boost planning in breast-conserving therapy.<br /><br />So, I am not quite sure what to think. Probably a lot has changed since this article was published in 2002. What they did today was to apply a colored plastic patch in the shape of my scar to the area on my breast where the scar is; a crescent shaped scar that runs from approximately 1 o'clock to 4 o'clock. Lots more Sharpie lines. I think this tech really wanted to be a tattoo artist. Then Dr. P was called and finally came in to check the placement. For this treatment, the accelerator head has a kind of focused beam coming through a lens with a diameter of about 5-6", and it comes pretty close to my skin.<br /><br />Tuesday is meet with the Dr. day. I wait an interminably long period of time for Dr. P. Everything is good (except my blood pressure!).Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-39385751380116322912008-01-29T15:34:00.000-05:002008-01-29T15:35:33.484-05:00Interview and Job StatusI had a job interview on Friday, which seemed to go well. I have yet to hear anything. I'm worried because when I was looking for a job in 2005 - 2006, I had four or five interviews before I had a job offer.This client had asked for me by name, so unless I said something that put her off I am hopeful.<br /><br />If I lose my job, I will finish my treatments (Just 9 left!) and go on unemployment while I look for something new. It doesn't appeal to me right now, but maybe it is an opportunity.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-40159789324259295412008-01-20T16:12:00.000-05:002008-01-20T16:14:01.967-05:00The CommentsI made changes to allow anonymous comments, but I will moderate them. Please leave a comment, even if you are just passing through, to say hello and let me know you were here.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-77742440127628483792008-01-20T16:04:00.000-05:002008-01-20T16:09:04.240-05:00Your position has been eliminated!Friday afternoon I learned that the agency that I work for as a contractor to the federal government had had it's budget cut by 1.2 million. Apparently that translates into 13 contractor positions, and that includes me. There are two positions currently open which I am qualified for, and hopefully they will like me and offer the position to me. My current job ends January 31, or at treatment 26. This being middle aged, having cancer, trying to keep your job stuff sure is no fun. Anyone who tells you the economy is doing great is <strong>lying</strong> to you.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-40888315135371389962008-01-20T15:49:00.000-05:002008-12-09T21:09:53.626-05:00Radiation tattoos and markupsThis first image shows the markups right after my first few treatments.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7kpMK-hgxlsR91c465FAli-ee1U0LlDfs0PV8rhVYp9XWXiSzzUB5Y4ysoPvbDMqrrbKbnzo9hEUSq-zUE7-NZffUwhFT7sNvBXOMvdhp26uylXEiQx1qb0-1v3CjTbrrAsJKVtVWQYhw/s1600-h/earlyrad.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5157663953364625234" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7kpMK-hgxlsR91c465FAli-ee1U0LlDfs0PV8rhVYp9XWXiSzzUB5Y4ysoPvbDMqrrbKbnzo9hEUSq-zUE7-NZffUwhFT7sNvBXOMvdhp26uylXEiQx1qb0-1v3CjTbrrAsJKVtVWQYhw/s200/earlyrad.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />This image shows my markups at treatment #18. You can see the radiation line going across my chest and under my arm. The scar from the lymphectomy is included in the radiation from under neath on my left side.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPeXjcJTJeG6-E1saT-zGB4oTSVkLWolUtwJN5U9nM7Yq-0X3l912-Ay3yfOshpLobECUCi_wBk9ckFTsXpj38iM2l6P6bnfCd7N8-5bJLX159EXvIC0TpvDUghCPlEtzNIuAM02kFKtJY/s1600-h/rad@18.jpg"></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPeXjcJTJeG6-E1saT-zGB4oTSVkLWolUtwJN5U9nM7Yq-0X3l912-Ay3yfOshpLobECUCi_wBk9ckFTsXpj38iM2l6P6bnfCd7N8-5bJLX159EXvIC0TpvDUghCPlEtzNIuAM02kFKtJY/s1600-h/rad@18.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5157664146638153570" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPeXjcJTJeG6-E1saT-zGB4oTSVkLWolUtwJN5U9nM7Yq-0X3l912-Ay3yfOshpLobECUCi_wBk9ckFTsXpj38iM2l6P6bnfCd7N8-5bJLX159EXvIC0TpvDUghCPlEtzNIuAM02kFKtJY/s320/rad@18.jpg" border="0" /></a></div>These markings are used by the radiology techs to line you up in the machine just so. They use laser beams in a darkened room to make sure you are just right. Thursday, I lay down on the table, put my arm up in the sling, and scooted up. Perfect! It was actually a little creepy if you think about it. So I was somewhat relieved on Friday when we had to do the usual poke and slide around routine to get me in position.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-84928653169771527722008-01-20T15:45:00.001-05:002008-12-09T21:09:53.958-05:00Healing Shawl<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm6swUTJV5lWF8ZRQpAWiKYwiSKLssDoXnsdfA9WEgOtF2GOQR80DzN-wOxUOgG8NB1trl6301QVp2nsMLxyqvm2g_HnfOkWGwyjU1U1GGAdxjoC0KKHHdGULL9jE25ly5wjcOU8hsYVsX/s1600-h/scratchnshawl.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5157662939752343362" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm6swUTJV5lWF8ZRQpAWiKYwiSKLssDoXnsdfA9WEgOtF2GOQR80DzN-wOxUOgG8NB1trl6301QVp2nsMLxyqvm2g_HnfOkWGwyjU1U1GGAdxjoC0KKHHdGULL9jE25ly5wjcOU8hsYVsX/s320/scratchnshawl.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I got a phone call a few days ago from a woman from my church (<a title="blocked::http://www.rruuc.org/" href="http://www.rruuc.org/">http://www.rruuc.org/</a>) who is part of a caring circle of Mindful Knitters. They have made me a healing shawl. This is the Unitarian Universalist version of a prayer shawl. Cynthia brought it to me last night. She also had her 3 yo son with her so we didn’t get to converse too much. It is crocheted in muted earth tones, clay, silvery grey. In the natural sunlight that floods my apartment in the afternoon, I see it is rose and a deeper rose.</div><div> </div><div>It came with this blessing<br /></div><div></div><div></div><div><br />May grace be upon this shawl…<br />Warming, comforting,<br />Enfolding and embracing.<br /><br />May this mantle be a safe haven…<br />A sacred place of security and well-being…<br />Sustaining and embracing in good times as well as difficult ones.<br /><br />May the one who receives this shawl<br />Be cradled in hope, kept in joy, graced with peace, and wrapped in love.<br /><br />Blessed Be<br /><br />Adapted from Prayer of Blessing for a Completed Shawl by Janet Bristow.<br /><br />Unfortunately, one of the side effects of the radiation treatment is my skin has turned pink like a mild sunburn. I am having trouble staying cool, not warm! But comforting, yes. The Alpha cat loves it already. He thinks it was made for him.</div><div> </div><div>Also note that since my surgery, this 10 year old cat sits on the couch with me, next to me, for the first time ever.</div>Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080769094158472162.post-59608364628271416992008-01-09T14:47:00.000-05:002008-12-09T21:09:54.127-05:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxdT6IeIYV7CwUAQ-ga5lXULkdnuZusA9jBjgAmzWQN-tK_5xe8l2d93WlViCXTXico7c_9sX-BP6Wcr4B8unzcsA_y1z-DJm9bF3pdBp07fBYsTQgY2S4IBn_Y3m9Xdg-R286-3j44a0F/s1600-h/porrazo.png"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5153571210308790034" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxdT6IeIYV7CwUAQ-ga5lXULkdnuZusA9jBjgAmzWQN-tK_5xe8l2d93WlViCXTXico7c_9sX-BP6Wcr4B8unzcsA_y1z-DJm9bF3pdBp07fBYsTQgY2S4IBn_Y3m9Xdg-R286-3j44a0F/s320/porrazo.png" border="0" /></a><br />I was googling around, hoping I might be able to steal another woman’s experiences with radiation. It seems each persons experience is so different and unique, so I am stuck with writing up my own.<br /><br />On December 14th, I met my mom at the Brookland/Catholic University Metro stop to keep my appointment with Dr. Porrazo.<br /><br /><br />He is my radiation oncologist and today is the day I will be whirled around in the CT scanner and marked up for my radiation treatments. You lie on a table about the size and comfort of an ironing board. The physicist, who introduces himself as Francis (IIRC, and another technician named Muhammad) has me lie down and then using the images on the CT scanner he marks my chest with a Sharpie. They have also taped some wires down to my chest. Since I have my head turned to the right the whole time, I can’t really see what’s going on. I end up with an X in my cleavage, at my collar bone, just above my belly button, on either side at my waist… I’ll have to go look in a mirror to remember where they all are, but in total there are six. When they are satisfied with the positioning, they use a small pen shaped devise to permanently tattoo me in six places. I can scarcely feel this at all, but the one on my right side waist tickles when he tries to place it and I squiggle. The X’s are all covered with a round piece of plastic tape to preserve them for the actual treatment. Unfortunately, the one in my cleavage keeps melting, especially over the weekend. I am scolded over this; it’s the primary reference point. So I am stuffing cotton balls and tissue in my bra at night, and trying to sleep more on my back than my side.<br /><br />I’ve described the SIM experience in my January 1st entry.<br /><br />Today was my 11th treatment. Today actually went very well. Tuesdays are my day to meet with the doctor. Since I’ve been in treatment two weeks, they want to do blood work, primarily to check iron, hemoglobin, hemocrit. I ask if I can put it off til Wednesday, and get the go ahead. This works out well because I can get to WHC by 8:30 am, trip up to the lab, get poked and get downstairs for treatment. I was actually changing when one of the techs came back to get me, so I got in and out early. They have complained that they have back to back patients in 10 minute slots from 7 am to 12 noon. Unfortunately, many patients do not come on time, and things get backed up.<br /><br />My primary complaint is that my skin is turning bright red like a minor sunburn. I am using Alba non-petroleum jelly all over my breast. I’ve also figured out that I spare myself discomfort by wearing a lighter weight turtle neck, especially in this warm weather we’ve been having. I check with the doctor to see if it is okay to take ibuprofen for the discomfort (yes) and melatonin for sleep (yes).<br /><br />I have been waking up at odd hours, and then am not able to go back to sleep. Part of it is the anxiety of knowing I have to get up and get out of the house on time to catch the bus to get the WHC. Monday night I woke up around 2 am. I was able to go back to sleep, and dreamed an old flame had come to my bedroom and was making love to me. That was nice. I’m not sure what any lover would make of my Sharpie marked-up boob.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02304293013670093540noreply@blogger.com0